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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

From the Inside Out

It has been a pretty beautiful day. I woke with a song in my heart and carried it for about the first three hours of my day before I started to struggle at all. I have actually been looking forward to talking to God during my God-time these past few mornings. It has been a lovely change from being scared to come to Him boldly with my problems.

As I scrolled through my Facebook feed tonight, I noticed a post from Kay Arthur, “God, When I find myself surrounded by darkness help me to remember that the darkness isn’t dark to You!” This is a prayer that is perfect for my last few weeks. I may not be able to see where I am going right now, but God can.

For a few hours this afternoon, I was quite overwhelmed as I contemplated the path before me and what God may be asking me to do. As I write this, I want to say “what He is inviting me into.” Sometimes I forget that He has this great, big plan and I am invited to participate. It is not an obligation. It is not a burden. It is an invitation. God invites me. Right now, in this instant, I feel really honored. There are so many times I feel burdened with responsibility instead of honored by His invitation to participate. I love Him so.

I spent a good amount of time as I worked today, reflecting and praying about my lack of respect. A few weeks ago, I confessed to struggling with being contemptuous. Today I observed I am not only contemptuous of others, but I struggle to receive love and respect from others. I do not give respect; neither do I receive it. A couple days ago, a friend used the word “intimidate” describing one of my relationships. Yes, sometimes I am intimidated, but do I actually respect anyone? I hope so; but I am not sure.

Not only does it seem to be a part of my sinful nature to want to consider myself more important and better and smarter than everyone else, but in my background I was taught to believe there was an “us” and there was a “them” and the “us” had the ultimate and entire truth. Ah, I cannot cast the blame here. It has ultimately been my decision to choose insecurity and pride over humility and the “lowest position”.

If I was to set one goal for myself in the next three months, it would be to no longer be contemptuous. To lose the side of me that analyzes the other person and tries to find a way I measure up and exceed who they are.

“Father, change me as only You can. From the inside out. In Jesus’ name.”

This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. – I John 1:5

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