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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Forgive us our debts

I have a problem. I medium-size problem. It might even be a big problem. I keep apologizing to God this evening. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am sorry. I am not sure what I am even sorry about. Apparently on every level I do not feel good enough. I am not sure why that is a problem since I am not good enough, but Jesus is.

As I apologized for the umpteenth time as I began to pray fifteen minutes ago, I stopped. I realized in the prayer Jesus taught His disciples to pray He never said sorry in it. I have never realized it before. It is a really odd realization. There is repentance in the prayer, but no wallowing in guilt. I have no idea if I am saying what I want to say. I tried to quit saying I was sorry to God and just read His word instead. Every time I opened my mouth to Him I started out with an apology anyway.

God, I am sorry I am proud. I am sorry I did not know what I know now ten years ago. I am sorry I did not know it a year ago. The truth is I think I am sorry I am not You. Perfect. Almighty. I am always trying to be almighty. I am not even mighty. I am just me, and me needs God an awfully lot.

I had a few remarkable breakthroughs today. It is odd to end the night on such a distressed note. I do know what is prompting my anxiety. Tomorrow I will process it with God. Tonight I sleep.

May His kingdom come.

Pray like this:

Our Father in heaven, may your name be kept holy. May your Kingdom come soon. May your will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us today the food we need, and forgive us our sins, as we have forgiven those who sin against us. And don’t let us yield to temptation, but rescue us from the evil one. – Matthew 6:9-13

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