Today was a really good day. I cannot remember all the reasons why; but one of them is because every time I took a break and had x time, I confessed, “I cannot control…” and listed all the things I was worrying about at that moment or might start to worry about in the next moment. I just realized taking step one must be the opposite of worrying. I came to the conclusion the other day that nagging and loving are antonyms.
Yes, I love my life and the people in my life. I love my job or rather my lack of job right now. Okay, the latter is a little bit of a lie. Writing doesn’t pay very well until it is published. I had a really good day working all day, but I didn’t make any money doing any of it. I am sure glad God doesn’t judge me by how much money I make! I’d be in trouble.
So because of Sunday’s conversation at church about being rich and letting God plan our finances and all that, I made the changes in my budget/lifestyle today. I should have just made them in November like He asked me to. Oh, well. I seem to be consistently a few months behind God these days. It was a little hard. I cried during part of it yesterday. It might be better to give than receive, but no one said it was easier.
I wrote today for the first time since last Wednesday. My lead character was going through a lot of emotional trauma in the story line and she needed time to recover before I could give her anymore emotional work to do, so I worked on other things.
There is a huge celebration that I have not had dreams for the last two nights. I think I have caught up on rest. I was really struggling for a couple weeks with unpleasant dreams. Glad to be off that cycle, but a little scared to say so in case tonight is right back to the beginning.
I had a really good time doing my inventory this morning. Inventories are a bit like huge monsters that seem to never be completed. Two more weeks and it is done. Thank God!
Life just seems so sweet today, and I feel so loved! I am assuming it is because of the x time. It is amazing how much better life is when I live it with Jesus. Actually, it is kind of odd to find that amazing. It is like saying, “It is amazing how much better candy is with sugar in it.” or “Cake is with frosting on it.” or “Cookies are with chocolate chips in them.” It ain’t candy without sugar. It ain’t a cake without frosting. Who eats a cookie if it is not chocolate chip? Okay, I probably would not pass a theology class using that analogy, but what I am saying is this: it isn’t amazing life is better with Jesus. It’s common sense and completely obvious. The end.
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways! “For who has known the mind of the Lord, or who has been his counselor?” “Or who has given a gift to him that he might be repaid?” For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. – Romans 11:33-36