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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Finding Hope

Today has been an upside down V. First sad, then happy and calm, and now sad again. Ironically I am once again sad for the same reason I was sad this morning. I am sad for other reasons too. I am jealous of someone and something right now, which means I have something to sort out with God. I am sad because of lost relationship with people. I am sad about the people in my life who don’t like to call things what they are, and I am sad I don’t like to call things what they are. That’s what my counselor calls confession – when we agree with God and call things what they are instead of trying to make sin and brokenness look good.

Some time ago, God promised me that when I passed through the fire, I would not be burnt. I can’t tell you how many times I have thought since then, “God, it is too late for that promised to be true. I have already been scorched.” Your timing isn’t perfect. It is too late. You never showed up on time. The time for miracles is past, and You missed it.

Yesterday and today have been characterized by forgiveness and acceptance of brokenness. The healing of things that I didn’t know were bothering me. The healing of things that I did know were bothering me. A weeping for all that has been lost, and that which will never be restored. Some will be redeemed; some will be multiplied; some will be brought to life; but will not some have just died? Can God really raise anything from its grave? Does He really want to? Will He be faithful? Will He take too long?

Am I alone? Will I always be alone?

“Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. Whoever does not take up their cross and follow me is not worthy of me. Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it. Matthew 10:37-39

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