I just read yesterday’s post before beginning this one. It ends with, “Just know I am free.” Then Galatians 5:1. Yes, I am going to have to be doing a whole lot of standing firm, so as not to fall back into slavery. Today was hard because I was so healthy I began to fall back into old thought patterns. I struggled with my energy level because I did not go to God quickly enough (I think). Instead I got too caught up in what I was doing.
I am still trying my best to work step 6 again. (We were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character.) The step study questions are quite focused on action steps toward change. Actually, they might not be. That is just where I am hung up. But I think one of the hangups is that most of the patterns we found were defense mechanisms.
For example, one of the things I have to work on is being able to process in the moment. Have a voice in the moment. In a lot of situations in life, I still do not have a voice in the moment because I am unable to process my feelings and thoughts on more than a very surface level with other people around. Compared to five or ten years ago, I do very, very well. Five years ago when I got in a situation with a “trigger”, I actually became physically unable to talk. Now I can talk and do some processing, but I cannot do all my processing.
I got my novel out today and started to read over what I had written. I found it very overwhelming at first. (Sort of what inspired the drain of energy.) After walking to a babysitting job this evening, I felt much better. I even know the next three scenes that have to happen, which is a good thing. I am writing about a time in my main character’s life in which she is very confused. I was beginning to feel confused about her confusion. Hoping to write about 30,000 words in March. It’s a long month. Why not?
So Christ has truly set us free. Now make sure that you stay free, and don’t get tied up again in slavery to the law. – Galatians 5:1
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