“But my life is worth nothing to me unless I use it for finishing the work assigned me by the Lord Jesus – the work of telling others the Good News about the wonderful grace of God.” Those words changed my day today. I love the Apostle Paul. Reading about him always changes my day. I am so glad someone can relate to all the things I go through. I feel like God’s Word is one of my best forms of companionship. The people in it are so cool.
I had a really mediocre day. I am resenting this blog the last few days. Honestly, right now I would like a whole lot of privacy. More than once this thing almost got shutdown by myself, but something compels me to keep telling the story. I would rather not have to share about this part of my journey. I find it embarrassing and humiliating.
If I am going to tell a halfway real story, I need to talk about things like not knowing how I am going to trust God. Having no idea how God will provide for me. I am dreadfully jealous of where Paul says he envied no one’s gold or silver. Good for you, Paul, the same cannot be said of me. This last week has been so much easier than so many of the months that came before it; but at the same time, God is a bit absurd. I keep thinking that if I had to choose a provider, I would choose Him. So why is it so hard to trust Him?
I have been thinking lately about the difference between the belly of the whale and a fiery furnace. Running from God got Jonah into the belly of the whale. Following God got the friends into fiery furnace. I am going through an incredibly hard time right now. I told God within the last few weeks that it just was not fair for me to be in the belly again. I had not done anything to get into the belly of the whale this time! I had followed Him into these problems. In that prayer I realized I was not in the belly; I was in the fiery furnace like Daniel’s friends. There is a difference, but they do feel quite a bit the same! The fire never touched Daniel’s friends.
Tomorrow morning I break my fast. It makes me want to cry. I do not want it to be over yet. I have too much more to learn. I do not want to step out of the spiritual intimacy of fasting.
Today in the dentist’s chair, God kept promising me He would supply all my need according to the glorious riches that are in Christ Jesus.
And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 4:19