I am not sure it is possible to tell you how grateful I am. I feel so connected and grounded tonight. I had a wonderful three-day weekend. I am still really ready to get away for a few days. Far, far away for a few days; but this weekend was amazing. I spent the afternoon with my spiritual family. I had this crazy thought. What if this became the launching point of my life? It felt so much like it was where I am from and that I am a part of it. I felt very disconnected from the physical locations of my past. It was weird to talk about them with people in conversations. Where am I from? I am from Jersey.
I came home and watch a stupid movie and laughed so hard for almost two hours straight. It was so stupid, but it sure did make me laugh. It was good to laugh so much. By the time I was done watching the movie, I had to re-center myself in my life.
I would not be able to list all the ways God blessed me today if I tried. He is my Rock.
I am still a little frustrated or embarrassed over having to write down what reality is every morning. It has been so helpful to do so. It changes my entire day, but it is so humbling. I had to remind myself a couple times today throughout the day about reality. Parts of reality I like; parts of it I don’t.
My counselor has been challenging me to go deeper and begin dealing with the deeper emotions in my life. Apparently psychologically-minded people (like myself) can miss feeling the emotion or recognizing deep emotion because we get too caught up analyzing the surface. That also was humbling today. To sit in the midst of people I dearly love and admit to myself that I was currently feeling shame. The positive part about it was that once I recognized the feeling and named it, I could move on. It was a legitimate reaction to my perceived circumstances. A natural human reaction. I am so glad I can live under God’s grace!
Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story— those he redeemed from the hand of the foe, those he gathered from the lands, from east and west, from north and south.a Some wandered in desert wastelands, finding no way to a city where they could settle. They were hungry and thirsty, and their lives ebbed away. Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way to a city where they could settle. Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind, for he satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things. – Psalm 107:1-9