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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Fasting is haaaaard……

I am learning about noise today. What I am learning is this: When I once felt insecure, I put on noise of some sort to distract me from my insecurity and the root of the real issue. Without the distraction of the noise, I am having a bit more trouble with alcohol, lust and chocolate. Okay, the chocolate is not a problem. I am not fasting that right now! Dear Jesus, please don’t ask me to fast chocolate!

I worked alone in my apartment for six hours today. It was quiet! How is one to think when it is this quiet? With two fasts going on right now, a one-year and a 40-day, I was tempted to break them. Especially the noise one. Noise, isn’t a sin, is it?

I had an interesting conversation with someone awhile back about whether escaping from conversation, confession and intimacy with God into reading a book versus alcoholism was any less a sin. It was interesting because for the first time during that conversation I thought I understood on some level why thoughts, words and deeds are all the same in God’s eyes as I had been previously taught but never understood. (Matthew 5:21-37; Matthew 15:16-20)

Running from God is sort of like running from God. My one-year fast is arguably a fast from sin. Depending on how you define sin? Is there really such a thing as a grey area with sin? I feel like God thinks it is black and white.

So how am I fasting if it is a sin? How am I just not quitting? Well, I felt God asking me to fast it over Thanksgiving. Since Thanksgiving, by the grace of God, I haven’t fallen. However, it is really hard without the noise. Before the “fast” of this sin, I was unable to stop. Giving it to God and asking Him to work in this area of my life has been the only thing that has brought a semblance of freedom. But today, I was tempted to the nth degree.

I am having nightmares again, too. This is not a pleasant life. It is not okay with me. I just want to sob and go to sleep right now. Instead I have to go to a meeting and see people. This life is so not okay with me right now.

By the grace of God, go I.

The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure. – I Corinthians 10:13

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