Today was an interesting day. I woke up with a lot of fear. I had a hard time snapping out of it. I did some in my noon quiet time, but in my evening quiet time is when I really was able to face what was bothering me. I cried and talked to God for like a half hour. I am so afraid of losing sobriety right now. I am not afraid that I am in danger of soon putting a bottle to my lips or watching porn, but I am afraid I may become in danger of not processing my emotion with Him but instead taking it to anything that is acceptable in the eyes of the Christians around me. Who needs time with God when one can bury themselves in relationships or television instead? I am afraid I won’t be strong enough to keep my eyes only on Him and not on tasks and pleasing people.
“Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the LORD. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool. ” Isaiah 1:18