Today I awoke and had thought circling around in my head and I kept defending myself over things that did not matter (also in my head). I was a bit angrier with one person than I was with most of the others. The most fascinating thing happened about noonish. I thought I should figure out something nice to do for this person; it would help me love them. I could not think of what to do; but instantly my anger vanished and I was filled with compassion. Everyone needs compassion.
In quiet time this morning I tried to write down my feelings separate from the events that were creating my feelings. It was really hard to do. I kept coming back to telling God what had happened instead of what I felt about what had happened. As my time with God ended I came across the verse: The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made. (Psalm 145:9) It changed my morning. God has compassion on everyone. He is good to all. Some days I am mystified by how I ever believed God hated people. The Bible is such a book of love.
I had my last counseling session until February today. My counselor is moving and will be available via Skype in February. I am so thankful God is building a support system around me. I am only mildly intimidated by going so long without being able to tell someone everything about me without reservation.
Today my heart became softer. I could feel it. I realized God gave me a precious gift in a position. Not in a title. Not in a man-made position, but in where He has placed me in this life. The opportunity He has given me to love people. The opportunity He has given me to love these people. I love these people.
The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. – Psalm 103:13-14
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