Hey, I chose community on my Sabbath! The world should be proud of me. Instead of hiding from it, I chose to embrace it. It is like a miracle. I am dreaming a lot again, so starting my day out on a rough note. I really bounced back by calling a friend. Community = always one of the ways God gets my focus off the lies.
I feel like writing tonight, but I do not know which story to tell. My heart is in pain again. I hate it. I experience so much love and joy in my life, but there is a lot of pain in sacrificing my life for Jesus. I am trying to process having a voice and learning to use it.
I read the books of Kings today. It really gives me hope for the whole human race. I do not see how people read the Old Testament and think God was a rude, mean, cruel God. He was really, really, really, really patient with those people! And he did a LOT of things for the sake of David, who no offense was a really screwed up man after God’s own heart. I mean really screwed up. Oh, oops, I just broke small group guidelines and spoke about someone else’s problems instead of my own.
Reading all those stories of really bad people doing really bad things and God being incredibly patient with them gives me a really amazing portrait of how kind and patient my God is. It gives me hope for me and all the people around me. God is not done with me yet; and because my heart is for Him, He has so much mercy on me!
I was most captivated by David’s dying instructions for Solomon. “I know I screwed up massively and did not execute justice in these situations. Will you do it for me?” And also by the story of the prophet that comes and warns Jeroboam that the altar to the golden calf will be destroyed and human bones will be burnt on it. I am captivated by the latter because of the old prophet who lies to the young prophet and gets the young prophet killed. My takeaway? When God tells you to do something, do it no matter what anyone else says!!!
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. – 2 Peter 3:8-9