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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Enjoying one moment at a time

I am a new person. I did cry today during my time with God. I cannot remember why. I seem to be getting a healthy range of emotions in my life. Maybe I should say I seem to be expressing a healthy range of emotion in my life. I have started to express a lot of happiness around people, which is a good healthy thing. It has especially started leaking all over the place at CR and dinner group. I am just expecting a few more weeks, and it will make it to church. I am just so happy to see all these amazing people, I guess.

Actually, it probably has already made it to church. On Sunday I had a really hard time sitting down because I had too much energy. When the sit part of the service came, I was like “I can’t move anymore?”, so I started to wiggle. I felt a little bit sorry for the people behind me so I tried to contain myself. It was sort of like going to Mexico last year when I could do nothing but wiggle my toes on the airplane for the sake of the people around me.

I did have more conversation with myself about the issues I still have. I just might have some abandonment and nurture issues going on yet. (Sorry, I just broke a guideline. That was sarcasm.) I definitely have issues going on. One of them is I tend to play a role of martyr in certain relationships. I have been doing this say for oh, 29 of my 30 years. So I am praying about it because it is an issue, but I do not know how to fix it.

I wrote 2,000 words in my novel today. I am really excited about it, but I have run into a slight plot complication. I call lots of things in life “plot complications”, so it is kind of funny I finally have a place it is highly applicable.

I think that is all. I really enjoyed my day. I laughed. I cried. I had peace. I processed some fear. I am heading in the right direction. I am actually enjoying my growth right now. I am so proud of myself. I never knew it was possible for me to allow me to enjoy something. I thought was going to go on torturing myself with stretching my emotional limits to the breaking point for the rest of my life. But apparently, God works miracles. I am one of them.

Two things I ask of you, Lord; do not refuse me before I die: Keep falsehood and lies far from me; give me neither poverty nor riches, but give me only my daily bread. Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’ Or I may become poor and steal, and so dishonor the name of my God. – Proverbs 30:7-9


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