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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Embrace the pain

As I walked home tonight, I thought about how super glad I am God is a great Physician. I am so glad Jesus did not come to call the righteous but sinners. The hope of the entire world must be that Jesus did not come to call the righteous but sinners. The hope of people like me is definitely that Jesus did not come to call the righteous but sinners.

Stepping out of denial does a lot for me. It has been a lot better week for all my issues after retaking Step 1 on Sunday. I was definitely trying to play God. I was definitely trying to control my image, problems and pain. It is odd how we cannot control the last one. I never realized this until writing this here, but I just had a conversation about controlling my pain a few hours ago. I was trying to get away from it.

God’s plan for me is never to have apathy over broken relationships. It is never for me to become numb, so I do not feel the pain. Or callous because I do not care about the people creating the pain. I think God’s plan for me is that I hurt over the things that hurt Him. I keep forgetting that. I keep trying to escape the pain of broken relationships. Especially the broken relationships, which I cannot even fathom being fixed this side of eternity. How am I not supposed to try to escape that pain?

Maybe part of experiencing life on earth to the fullest is embracing pain in its entirety. Not being afraid of it, but embracing it completely as I would an equal amount of joy. I am really glad there will be a day someday when there are no more tears or pain or suffering. But if I truly want to live life to the fullest here, wouldn’t I have to be wiling to cry uncontrollably? Not all the time, but sometimes? Wouldn’t I have to be willing to feel intensely?

As a person who shut off as much emotion as possible for a very long time as a survival mechanism, I have learned I feel pain before pleasure. I release the pain I have been burying and ignoring. To do so I have to be willing to actually feel it. After doing so, I generally feel joy in equally great amounts.

On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” – Mark 2:17

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” – Revelations 21:4

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