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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Death, where is your sting?

It was a very interesting day. I had some great quiet time. I was able to work on not putting up walls of anger and bitterness. I really thought I was making progress. Then as I got ready for church, I had a complete breakdown. I have been doing so well this week. I don’t understand it all. All I know is it was awful. I want to be through this phase of healing so bad. It isn’t fun at all.

There are some parts of me and my life that I hate so badly. In the homework for my Romans Bible study, there was the question, “Do you think God is pleased with you?” I knew doctrinally the answer was yes. So I didn’t answer the question right away because I didn’t think my emotional experience in life reflected a yes. Emotionally my life doesn’t scream, “I am a daughter of the Most High God. Protected. Loved. Cherished. Honored. Redeemed. Trusted. Loved. Whole.”

I looked at the question later in the day and had one of those knee-jerk reaction answers, “Yes, but I am not pleased with myself.” I think that is just really true.

This morning as I worked through my emotions before my breakdown, I kept going back to “For although they knew God”. I feel like that is the choice I make every day, fifteen thousand times a day. Though I know God, I choose to live in emotional and mental turmoil instead. I choose distress and fear. Though I know His goodness, I choose to wreak of Earth. Such a foolish, foolish choice. No wonder God goes on to talk about foolishness!

For although they knew God, they neither glorified him as God nor gave thanks to him, but their thinking became futile and their foolish hearts were darkened. Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like a mortal human being and birds and animals and reptiles.

Therefore God gave them over in the sinful desires of their hearts to sexual impurity for the degrading of their bodies with one another. They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen. – Romans 1:21-25


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