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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae


I am pretty sure that no matter how much I wore or how I turned up my heat, I would still be cold. It is cold outside. Bitter cold. But I am much more cheerful about winter this year than last year. For a few reasons. One being winter started three months later than last year. How bad can another six weeks be?

Today was just a wash. I am not getting as much done as I would like to. I am still entirely confused as to why I am not caught up on rest. I should be at least mildly caught up.

Tonight was our final night in step study discussing step four. That means I am switching to tagging this post step 5. I do still have two people to finish from step four. It has been forever since I have moved to the next step! I am excited about doing so. I am less excited about being honest and transparent in my confession! Though it will be life changing in a really good way, so I know it will be worth doing for way more reasons than I have to do it.

I was just thinking about something in my life, and the thought crossed my mind, “Have a faith that moves mountains.” Which is certainly the kind of faith I want to have. The the second thought instantly followed, “I wonder what the difference between that and denial is?” For example, there is a testimony in the CR Bible about a lady who realized it was time to step out of denial in her life when her mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. In spite of the circumstances, Hillary fully believed until the very end her mother would beat the disease. When she died, she realized it was time for her to start facing her life (and her addictive and compulsive behaviors). Now the answer to that question might be very clear, but it is just a thought.

Someone last night served me part of a box of chocolates. (Thank you dinner group!) Someone in passing mentioned “Life is like a box of chocolates.” Which prompted me to think, “That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. How?” Later I wondered what I think life is like. I used to not think “box of chocolates” was a bad description. Today I had a conversation with someone about conversation. I realized later that right now I view life as a conversation. Not always a verbal conversation, but a conversation. The purpose of my life is essentially relationship. A relationship with God that brings Him glory. Relationships with others that bring Him glory. A relationship with myself that brings Him glory. Conversation is 100% essential in all relationships.

I speak. He responds. He speaks. I respond. We get to know each other. In walking, talking, working, playing. Can I truly praise Him even through song or music without it being a conversation? If I am speaking and not listening for an answer, not awaiting heaven’s response, how could I call that worship? Perhaps it would be worship. A worship of myself.

If I was a in relationship with a person and watched TV with them casually one day. Wouldn’t even that interaction be a conversation? One in which I learned about my friend? How to love them better? Would the afternoon have any purpose if there was no conversation? Can any love take place without it? Any intimacy? I cannot know if I do not study. I cannot be known if I do not share.

Just thoughts tumbling around in my head. Life is a conversation. A conversation with a final goal: to learn to know God in the deepest imaginable way. To love Him with an all-consuming love. Is there anyway to do this other than by an ongoing minute-to-minute conversation? Is that not praying without ceasing? If praying is only me talking, it is mockery. Is it not a conversation with God?

Always be joyful. Never stop praying. Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus. – I Thessalonians 5:16-18


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