If I could make time stand still, I think I would do it in the evening. After all the work is done in my day. When I have nothing left to do but talk to Jesus as I go through my nightly routine. I would make the last few minutes last for hours and I would not grow one bit tireder.
I am happy. I am content. Today was one of those days I got to see a way I have changed. You see, during a slight bit of mental fog as I woke up from a nap, I accepted a job I would not have taken if I had been mentally coherent. I only would not have taken the job because really right now I just want to write – no matter how frugally that means I must live. I spent the next few hours having to come to peace with my decision. Yes, I had indeed given up a high probability of reaching my writing goal for the week for a rather small amount of money. How is this change? Well, there was a day when I would have the stress and worry the opposite way. I cannot believe I have come to a place where money does not worry me like it used to. I am really working on the daily bread/one day at a time thing. Right now I feel like I am winning that battle!
I worked through more of my denial issues today in my quiet time. On my way home from babysitting this evening, I really wanted to write; but I set aside the thought and spent some time with God. I have noticed I never regret that decision. In that time with God, I started to journal in columns about the next fear I am facing. I know perfect love casts out fear. It does help to sort out irrational thought patterns and realize how irrational they are.
He is, and there is none like Him.
He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. – Psalm 103:10-14