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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Changed beyond recognition

As I was waiting for the computer to process my new post request, I saw my post from yesterday. I wonder what it was about yesterday that made me so sure my God reigned? I still am really sure of this.

Today was a sabbath in which I cleaned my entire apartment, baked a batch of cookies, a pan of bars and a casserole, went shopping in two different grocery stores and technically worked about an hour. That was way more exhausting to write about than it was to live. It truly was a very peaceful day. I felt quite poor in the grocery store parting with all the cash I had to to buy all my ingredients, but there is nothing that can make me feel richer in a worldly-ish sense than being domestic in my own home.

I still have enough spending money from my September budget to live two weeks, and it is the 28th! That is why I felt so poor in the grocery store. I had counted my money before going and realized I had enough left to comfortably buy a whole month of groceries. I have noticed anytime I count what I have and place a sense of security in how much it is, it is really painful to part with. Even when I only knew I had it for like an hour. So it was a really good day filled with blessings.

The message series at my church is about dreaming. Wait, I think that is what it is about. It is about Nehemiah rebuilding Jerusalem, so the first messages were about dreaming and having vision. Because everything is about personal application, we talked about our dreams. The small group questions became accidentally painful. I thought I would share about this today because I have had more memories and thoughts on this today.

Two-ish weeks ago, the questions to kick off the night were: What did you dream about as a kid? What do you dream about now?

I planned on not answering the first question in group because of what my answer had to be to the best of my knowledge. However, I was somewhat forced into giving an answer that night. It was this: I didn’t dream about anything. I didn’t know I could. I was told dreams never came true, and that was the reason to never dream them.

Since then, I have thought about this every now and then. I must have dreamed about something. I had to have filled my mind with something. I was on a farm, doing lots of manual labor. What did I think about? The next conclusion I came to was: sex. I had been introduced to sex before I had memory. A lot of my time before I was a teenager had been filled with thinking about sex. Yes, I said before not when. This is not the forum for me to tell you what changed that because it was a part of my circumstances.

I now had an answer that would really have made my small group sad. They felt badly enough I had no dreams. Admitting to this would have ruined their night. I was glad the night was behind me and I did not have to evade an entirely truthful answer.

But today as I baked and cleaned, I had a memory. In my teenage years, I did this almost everyday. It was a pleasant escape. One where I had creativity and received affirmation. I remembered I used to want to have a place someday that just sold sweets. I used to dream that.

Then this dream prompted another memory within me. I always wanted to go to a land far away and live in an orphanage and take care of children. I think I dreamed that as a teenager, too.

Honestly, I think before I was a teenager there was only one thing in my fantasies. I am so thankful my God is a Redeemer! That He rescued me, ransomed me and is redeeming me. I love that God changes us beyond recognition. Sometimes I wished people could see me and my heart all those years ago because if they saw it then and saw it now, they would know God could rescue anyone. That is why I tell my story, so people know God can rescue anyone.

But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; – Isaiah 43:1-3

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