My whole life is different. My life is entirely different than it was last year at this time. I do not know if it looks like it is different on the outside, but on the inside there is no comparison. I have been watching the current season of the Biggest Loser one of my favorite shows. I used to watch it with such an attitude. I used to watch it with an enormous inner sneer towards everyone involved. This year I watch it genuinely cheering everyone on.
I am doing some writing, which is not in any way, shape or form close to a story of my life, but I am drawing on how the person I was felt three and a half years ago. It is like an alternate reality. Then I will watch someone else’s testimony and realize people like me do indeed exist. I did indeed exist.
It is so amazing to live without resentment, harboring no bitterness. Okay, I still have work to do. I am still on this journey. I still am working on forgiving the people I was forgiving earlier in this week. But it is like being an entirely different creature. I couldn’t have dreamt of this peace.
I am so thankful I have people to work around, to be inconvenienced by. Yesterday I got notice of an inconvenience. It just made me realize how nice it is to not be isolated. There was a time when I didn’t allow myself to be inconvenienced by anyone. I wasn’t about to get in a relationship that would be close enough to have any hold on me.
I have been thinking about a lot of things lately. I am still thinking about Lazarus and the rich man. I am thinking about Jesus’ washing the disciples’ feet. I have a bookmark on Habakkuk 3 in my Bible. I have been meditating on it a lot in quiet time over the last week. That is how I want to worship God. Completely.
Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.
Habakkuk 3:17-19
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