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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Changed

God is so incredible! I am sober and happy. Earlier today it crossed my mind to look up what was going on in my life last year at this time. Well here is the link to that post. It was not a pretty week in my life. In the moment, I never thought of myself as having lost sobriety. I have said I was sober from my compulsive and addictive behaviors since Thanksgiving 2013, but I think I just might have “slipped” on March 9, 2014 with that dancing. Play with fire, you end up burned. So thankful I am letting that die. I need to get these shoes sold or given away or dumped or something.

I know God is a provider. I know this because I experienced it today. My computer has been on the glitch for quite some time. More or less two years. Recently it has just started to randomly shut off. It seemed to be an electrical problem. My battery had not been in for about two years because my mouse and battery refused to work at the same time for some reason. So it was really on the glitch today, so I went to Best Buy and picked up a $8.47 wired mouse. Apparently, even the issues with my computer’s charger seem to have been solved. It is a mystery, but I am more than thankful to get another few months or years out of this Mac dinosaur.

I was going into a freakout mode today over finances on account of my computer. Now when I say freakout mode, on a scale of 1-10 of how much I have historically freaked out, it was probably a 2. Maybe a 3, but not a 4. I managed to end this freakout very early in the freakout mode by doing research and just motivating myself to go spend what might have turned out to be a miniature fortune. As I got up to go spend it, I said to myself, “I am going to go spend a fortune I don’t have at Best Buy.” Then I realized I was wrong. I had all the money I had a potential of spending. Was I super excited it was getting spent on computer maintenance? No, but I was blessed to have it. It changed my attitude instantly.

Over the last week and a half, as I have processed my ever-changing persona at church (my knee-jerk reaction/freakout), I realized another lie I was still believing. I was raised in a culture where the “saved” people had some special revelation from God that we were unable to attain without God especially in some way we could not control trying to choose us for this connection. Because we had no control over whether we were “saved”, we really started to worship the people who were. We had no connection to God and could not in anyway find one, so I guess we worshiped the people who we believed did have one. They were treated with this special, weird awe.

For years I have disagreed with this concept, but sometime in the last few days I realized the remnants of this lie were still with me. This is why historically I have struggled so much with church offices. I have allowed this “special, weird awe” to leak into how I look at Christians with “titles” or ones that I really wanted to disciple me. I was scared of talking to one of the women who is discipling me now for the first year and a half I knew her and would have loved to recruit her to disciple me! So we have enjoyed a year long relationship instead of a much longer one.

So tomorrow, I am going to the church office. I am planning to spend the morning with friends not special weird people I should be in “awe” of. I have been feeling much like this all day. Much like I was going to go spend time with friends. It is a good feeling. I really hope this is how I feel when I wake up in the morning. If I don’t, I hope I can manage to sit and spend time with God until I do!

The name of the LORD is a strong fortress; the godly run to him and are safe. – Proverbs 18:10

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