Changed

Ahhh, I had a pretty good day. Really a quite good day, especially a good evening. I love my life. It is so out of my control right now that I am having to quit pretending that it was ever in my control. It really is bizarre and weird. My life I mean. Not the being out of control thing. I think the most freeing thing I am learning right now is boundaries. It is okay to disappoint people. I feel like I am disappointing some people right now in my life. I used to disappoint a lot more people, I guess; but in the last week or so I have noticed it come up in a different way in my life and I am not sure how to define it. I think I am just learning how to be okay with not being able to fulfill everyone’s expectations and not take responsibility for it.

I finished the Crossroads lesson in my step 10 step study tonight. I am more leading the step study than going through it. I am going through the one on Monday’s that is on Step 2 like the tags for this post will say. But I redid the Crossroads lesson because it is such fun to look back at where I was and where I am now. In what ways have I changed since beginning recovery? In which ways haven’t I?

I love remembering how different I was six months ago when I completed the lesson. I cannot even remember the first time I completed it a year and a half ago. Who knows what I said then? In any case, I have quit all kinds of things since hitting rock bottom four years and three months ago. It is good to know I am different from the inside out with no desire to do those things.

There were so many celebrations in my weekly journal this week. Changes from a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. I could go really hog wild and say a decade ago, but that is like a really long time to remember to accurately compare with.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end. – Ecclesiastes 3:11