I am sure my counselor is right. I did have some very focused time with God today. This morning I filled out one of my step study answers. I always do one a morning. This morning’s was “When you turn your life over to your Higher Power, Jesus Christ, you have a “new life” (see 2 Corinthians 5:17). What does that “new life” mean to you? I began with “It means my heart can soften.” I continued with telling how hard my heart used to be. Then returned to being glad I could change. I finally ended with a spontaneous thought, “A new life means the old me could die.”
I cried. I am so glad the old me died. I am so glad I never have to know her again or be her again. I have always thought of being crucified with Christ as being something that described us sacrificing things we liked. I have never thought of it as us being delivered from who we were. I am so glad I am delivered from who I was. That has been an overriding theme in my day – thankfulness for the opportunity to die yet live.
I had some time when the twins were sleeping to spend some time with God this afternoon. I set a timer, sat down cross-legged on the carpet and talked. One could say I expressed some emotion this afternoon. I entirely depleted my emotional strength. Two thirds of the way into my time with God I was so drained, I decided to nap the last third. A good kind of drained. A cleansing drained.
I do not understand much in life, but I do know this: my God is faithful.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. – Galatians 2:20
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