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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Broken

I must say (actually it is entirely my choice to say) this blog was a whole lot more personally entertaining when it was way more painful. Now I sit down and have to try to figure out what was interesting in my day. It feels amazing. I also have to figure out what I want to admit about my day, I suppose.

I have struggled over the last few hours with it being Saturday night. I do not feel like seeing all the people I will see tomorrow. I feel vulnerable in advance. There is also this leadership class I am taking on Saturdays, which seems to be doing its best to make me feel highly insecure.

There are some really painful experiences in my near future. I am going to have to face them. As I read one of the books for my class this evening, which continued to make me feel insecure, I wished I could just wake up one day and be on the other side. I wouldn’t have to actually live through the next few months. I used to think the only way I would find healing is if that could happen. I thought that like four or five years ago when my insides screamed with pain. On the outside, especially at work, I lived by the three C’s: calm, cool and collected. I am glad I never have to be put together again. I can just be broken.

Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified. – I Corinthians 9:24-27

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