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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Breaking free

Today was a really good day. I decided to give myself a birthday present for my 31st birthday, but I am afraid of sharing about it here in case I chicken out. I had a wonderful group of friends celebrate me. On my birthday eve I am a happy camper.

For as angry as I was yesterday, today I was not angry at all. Not even a little. I am sad though. I realize there are certain parts of my life I need to accept. I am not always good at accepting them. My counselor says I am incredibly hard on myself.

There are certain parts of my story I do not like to share because I am afraid my audience will judge me. One of the things I know about this is my audience is not necessarily the harsh judge; I am. I do not want to have the story I have. If I could write it, this is not what it would say. But over some parts of my story I have no control. Over some parts I have never had control. Some parts just happen, and they must be accepted. I need to learn not to accept the blame for them. I need to not hate myself for what I cannot or ever could  control. God can redeem my greatest weakness. Though what I mourn is not a weakness; it is more of a tragedy. Or something.

I never felt much like celebrating tomorrow until about seven o’clock tonight when I had some time with God. Then I told Him what I wanted to give myself for my 31st birthday. I want to forgive. I want to let go of the past. I want to move into the future. I want to be free, and I want to spend as much time with Him as I want.

Now I am going to bed, so I can have at least some of that tomorrow!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the LORD. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11


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