I was very content today. I was very sad this morning for awhile, and it took a bit to lift me out of the doldrums. But spending time helping a friend move changed my mood because of all the friends there. Friends do lift one’s spirit. Then as I waited for the machines to wash my laundry, I sat and admired the NYC skyline and just was content. I am glad I have learned how to be quiet. It is so restful to just be. It is definitely a benefit of no longer being afraid of my own thoughts.
I received a bed today as a precious gift. I am very thankful. I am a little emotional about it. I do not know how I feel about sleeping on a bed in a home. For the most part I have tried to keep it a secret because I am embarrassed by my decision, but for the last two years I have slept on the floor.
When I first moved here, I didn’t have a bed when I moved into my apartment. I was not going to have the time or energy in the first few days to figure out how to get one, so I stopped by Macy’s and bought a king sized foam mattress topper. I folded it a few times, wrapped a sheet around it and slept like a baby. Over the months, it received an extra fold and a 3/4 inch camping mat was added. I have slept like a baby.
I think it helped me stay here because it helped me feel like I was uncommitted and this was only temporary. It helped me not feel like I had a home or was trying to make one. Though my apartment has begun to seem a bit like a home anyway. I am not sure what to do with the fact that I have “my bed” in the corner now. It appears to be very, very comfortable. But it also makes my room a home. I don’t know how I feel about that.
I accidentally put my old bed in storage under my new bed. Now if I panic as I try to go to sleep, it will be very hard to move back to the floor. I have slept on beds recently when I house sit for people, but that is different because it is not permanent. It is the permanence of a bed in my bedroom that has me a bit perturbed. Apparently though having fun now makes me want to stay instead of run, owning a bed makes me uneasy. I do not want to leave the state or anything. But the floor does feel safer.
Okay, now I am for sure the strangest person you know. I am really thankful to have a bed. I really, really am; but I sort of feel like a little kid who just got their security blanket taken away. Over a year ago, God asked me to give up my car, and then I could no longer drive away. Now I have a bed. It is just odd. I have friends, and I have a bed. What’s happened to me?
Another chapter of my life is over. The very first chapter I would relive if given the opportunity.
Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.” – Matthew 8:20