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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Baggage: forgetting what lies behind

“Let the sword come where it is inevitable, and walk in peace with those who do His will.” So I closed my article on peacemakers a few weeks ago. Little did I know how those words were speaking a prophecy over the next few weeks of my life and what would happen.

In the range of about six months ago, I had the general feeling the sword was going to once again bring a greater separation in some of my relationships in about six months. I told my counselor so. I told my closest friends and mentors so. I found myself bracing against it, and yet emotionally preparing for it because I did want to follow Jesus.

About a month to six weeks ago, I remember telling my counselor, “Remember how I said… that actually has happened…” I thought I had experienced the sword because slightly more separation had happened in the relationships that I knew God was preparing to purify in my life. I had no idea that God was not finishing the work but merely beginning it.

In the last couple weeks the sword cut deeply and unexpectedly, causing my human nature a great deal of stress. At times I experienced days when my whole body physically hurt from the pain of the process. It felt like I was being torn apart. I thought I would break.

It was time to get rid of a lot more baggage. I didn’t even know I was still carrying the stuff with me. Stuff from 10, 15, perhaps even 20 years ago. It was time to get rid of all kinds of stuff. I felt lost. I felt sad. I felt scared. I followed Him. I felt like my body was being torn apart. I thought I couldn’t do it. One of my closest friends encouraged me. It was time. Time to let go. Time to quit clinging. In the words of another friend currently in the same process, “How long are we expected to keep this stuff anyway?” It was baggage. It is good to get rid of baggage. Well, unless you are traveling and the airline loses it. That is simply unfortunate. That is the only kind of baggage we should want to keep.

It felt like death. My counselor helped me process the dying. I didn’t want to do it. I wanted to cling to the past. I wanted to let doors open that God was asking me to close. I wanted to fix situations that only He can fix. I wanted to maintain some semblance of control. He insisted that if I wanted freedom and if I wanted to step into the brilliant future He had planned for me, then I had to let go of the past.

I cried a little. Mostly my body felt like it was breaking. I couldn’t believe I was doing it. A part of me was so disappointed in myself. Why couldn’t I successfully serve both God and my past? Why couldn’t I manage two gods? Why was I coming to such a sharp juncture again? Why couldn’t I walk the line?

I had to say goodbye. I had to let it go. I had to turn toward the brilliant future He has planned for me. I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I know tomorrow has brilliant plans that were planned by Him alone. His ways are higher than my ways. His thoughts than my thoughts.

So I have been letting it all go, and it feels so amazing. So entirely, completely and utterly amazing.

Yes, the sword kills, but it kills what was already poisoning my soul. Jesus came so that I might have abundant life. His sword will only ever cut what was killing me.

Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Philippians 3:13-14

I want to run the race. I want to win the prize. I want to hear “Well done.” I want to worship Him alone.

Let the sword come where it is inevitable, and walk in peace with those who do His will.

Which relationships in your life could you better follow God without? Which ones need stronger boundaries, so that you can prioritize your relationship with God over your relationship with that person? Where do you believe God may be bringing the sword of separation in your life?

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