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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Another day

I am learning I have a lot of people left to forgive in my life. Some of them with whom I have to have tough conversations. I have a list of about thirty from doing inventory. Over the last couple days I have noticed how I relate to people with whom I am upset. I am nice to them. Generally really nice. When I am talking to them, I squash all the things I am upset about from my mind. I enjoy the interaction in the moment at least 75% of the time. Then when we are apart, I go back to being upset over how they did me wrong. I never talk about it, at least not to them.

I guess one of the good things about CR is all this writing and talking helps me see unhealthy patterns in my life. I wonder if one of the reasons I project what has been done to me by a few onto everyone else is because I never talk about it to the few. In some of the cases, I let it keep happening again and again and again. Maybe if I dealt with the one issue, I could quit thinking everyone was going to treat me like the few.

I continued to ask myself today how my day would be different if I lived it to know God and be known by God. I have noticed a constant pattern in my replies. They always involve a connection with people. They always involve taking the time to care about people and connect. They never involve being an ice princess or living in isolation. The answers always involve taking risks and serving. The focus is always outward and not on myself. I cannot fathom living that way, but it sure seems nice.

Anyone who loves their life will lose it, while anyone who hates their life in this world will keep it for eternal life. Whoever serves me must follow me; and where I am, my servant also will be. My Father will honor the one who serves me. – John 12:25-26

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