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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Another chapter of my life is over

I am sad right now, and I feel insecure. I do not know why. Probably because I suddenly finished a project I have been working on for the last three months. Step one is done. I did not expect to finish it today. It entirely surprised me. I have nothing to do but rest until Friday. Only I technically will be really busy until then. Then I will begin step 2: read my novel cover to cover to get the big picture all at one time. Then step 3 is make all the changes I want.

I struggled a lot this morning with unforgiveness. We are on the forgiveness lesson in step group, so it is convenient to actually be having this conversation with God. I decided on the type of forgiveness that is hardest for me. It is hardest for me to forgive other people. I can even narrow down the type of person really far.

I was reeling in it this morning. Not wallowing like yesterday when I wallowed in my struggles. It was more, “God, I want this to go away. I want to forgive. How?” At some point something weird happened. All that unrest and anger in my heart went away, and I had peace. I do not even know why. I was really thankful because trying to wrap up the four parts of my novel that needed to be wrapped up while I was talking to God about the unforgiveness was really hard.

Now I am going to rest for a few days before I begin the editing process. It is a good thing I have a lot of stuff to keep me busy!

I think I am struggling right now because the future is so unknown. I feel insufficient. I feel like I should be making more responsible decisions. But isn’t following God the most responsible thing we can do? I think I am doing exactly what He wants me to be doing, so what else could I do?

Many of his disciples said, “This is very hard to understand. How can anyone accept it?”

Jesus was aware that his disciples were complaining, so he said to them, “Does this offend you? Then what will you think if you see the Son of Man ascend to heaven again? The Spirit alone gives eternal life. Human effort accomplishes nothing. And the very words I have spoken to you are spirit and life. 64But some of you do not believe me.” (For Jesus knew from the beginning which ones didn’t believe, and he knew who would betray him.) Then he said, “That is why I said that people can’t come to me unless the Father gives them to me.”

At this point many of his disciples turned away and deserted him. Then Jesus turned to the Twelve and asked, “Are you also going to leave?”

Simon Peter replied, “Lord, to whom would we go? You have the words that give eternal life. We believe, and we know you are the Holy One of God.” – John 6:60-69


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