Wow! Without noise, a sabbath is quiet. I find it very hard to stay awake in the evening with no noise to stimulate my brainwaves. My conversation with God has become more frequent and real. Also I have been having more conversations with those around me. Important ones, especially with the dog I am dog sitting.
Today I considered whether I considered myself to be lovable. I realized I was quite sure I believed I was not lovable, but was loved. I considered the paradox and the connotation of the word “lovable”. When I think of something lovable, I think of something easy to love. When I think of something walkable, I think of something that is hard to walk. When I think of something doable, I think of something which can barely be done. When I think of something excitable, I think of something easily excited. I wondered why when we add -able on the end of some words it means “with difficulty” and other words it means easily.
It turns out according to dictionary.com, lovable means, “of such a nature as to attract love; deserving love; amiable; endearing.” So I can be well-loved and not lovable at the same time. I am sure glad God can love the unlovable very well. Or maybe since “For God so loved the world…”, we are all lovable and I need to change my world view.
Contemplating it now, I think I am useful instead of lovable. I am a bit porcupinish. Would you know, spell check says that is not a word.
Maybe one of the reasons I have so many walls is because I do not believe I am lovable. I am afraid if I let down the walls, people around me will discover the lie I believe is true. “She isn’t worth it,” they will say. Then they’ll quickly walk away.
Am I lovable? Tough question.
See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. – 1 John 3:1
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