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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

All messed up

“My life is so effed up,” I said as I walked through the door into my empty apartment. I could not dream of a weirder combination of circumstances happening to me. I am not sure I could write this in a novel. I am pretty sure truth is stranger than fiction.

I am thoroughly exhausted. I never slept a whole lot last night. I went through my day mostly zombie-ish. I did manage to wake up to go to a friend’s graduation. I mean I was awake before; I just was not awake. It was super cool.

After thinking about how my life is so messed up, the lyrics, “The Lord our God is ever faithful. Never changing through the ages. From the darkness He will lead us…” came into my head. That is the only thing that is going to sustain me right now. God is faithful.

I have been thinking about God’s unending love and what the qualities of that love are. Does His love demand a response? He allows us to walk away and when we are ready to come back, He is still there with open arms. His love gives us the freedom of choice. His love has changed me.

I have been thinking about shame today. I carry a lot of shame with me from my past. Shame is the result of sin and brokenness, but it is not something I need to experience as a child of God living under grace. I want to let that go and let Him define me.

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. – I John 4:18


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