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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Alive

Saturday – 10:00

I just spent 12 hours today traveling and sitting outside in the sun, so you will have to forgive a few incoherent thoughts if that is the way they come. I did something today I did a year ago. I like yearly events. They can be such a great demonstration of how I have changed.

Peace. I am so glad I keep getting more peace. Peace with who I am. Peace in my identity in Christ. I no longer try to find my identity and my self-worth in my sexuality, but I find it in Christ.

I think I have tried to find my identity in sexuality for most of my life. Such an ugly scar was chiseled into my soul before I can even remember and continued during years that I can remember. Through all the years I swore and reswore to myself that I would never allow a man to touch me. Into the years I began to wonder whether I was gay, bi or straight (and concluded I was at least bi). Until the day I finally decided I didn’t care what I was because I was going to focus on serving God and whatever I was could just be what I was. It was then that I began to heal at a much more accelerated rate than I ever have.

God is an incredibly amazing God! If there is indeed a Being, who created the entire universe and is ultimately all-powerful, would I not serve Him?

The other day I was listening to a defense of Christianity message (I think by Andy Stanley). He made the point that the resurrection was the entire argument of the early apostles. “He was dead. He is alive. I saw Him.”

Momentarily when I heard this, I thought, “Well, that is irrelevant now. It has been two thousand years.” Then I realized the resurrection is my entire argument. He lived. He died. He rose again. I know because I have experienced Him. I cannot experience One who is dead. He must be alive to make me alive. I have changed, and I didn’t change myself.

but in your hearts honor Christ the Lord as holy, always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect, – I Peter 3:15

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