A couple weeks ago I was walking through the rain and being a bit whiny about having to be wet at work all day. I considered Paul’s beatings and stoning, etc and thought if the biggest plot complication in my life was slightly damp jeans for half a day, I should be thankful. Yesterday I was walking through the rain and my jeans were getting soaked when I came to the conclusion if my biggest personal inconvenience for God was wearing wet jeans for an evening, I should be sacrificing more for God.
I have been trying to add little breaks during my day to focus only on God even if it is just for a minute. I think today was a bit better. In any case, I am once again at the end of the day feeling healed and whole and sane and in my right mind sitting at the feet of Jesus.
I am so thankful I can feel the pain now. I am brave enough. Over the last few weeks I have had amazing revelations of how free God has made me. Largely because I was shown more about how broken I was. I still cannot fathom telling anyone else on earth about the sins I confessed to the dear friend the other day. I confessed them to her because it was important in the conversation. But confess them in step study? One thing about it when I am that vulnerable, it gives everyone in the step study the freedom to be right along beside of me!
I feel joy. I feel happiness. I feel pain. I feel a lot of pain. I feel scared. I feel excited. I am just thankful to feel something inspired by current events instead of my terrible past.
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace, taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it. So I might be reasonably happy in this life, and supremely happy with Him forever in the next. Amen!
I love the serenity prayer, especially the reasonably happy and hardships as the pathway to peace parts. No writing today, but I did face some of my fears that were sucking my energy. As I processed reading for my leadership class, I posed the question to myself, “What am I controlling that I shouldn’t be controlling?” It is so hard to just not be in control at all. But that is my goal. Ministry plan: fast, pray, read the Word, believe. What could go wrong with that?
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the LORD. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9
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