Today has been a delightful day. I woke up this morning, thankful, and praying for the authorities in my life – a far cry from yesterday. This afternoon I drove five hours to upstate New York, where coincidentally it is barely snowing and there is barely snow. I stepped into a motel room that is bigger than my apartment and twice as high of quality as I was expecting. The room was all warm and cozy and expecting me. I turned on the TV to find it tuned to a Hallmark Christmas movie. How cozy. I ate a very delicious peanut butter pickle sandwich. I love how God makes the simplest things in life the most easy to richly enjoy.
I thought since I shared such a depressing poem with you yesterday that I would share something more cheerful today. Yesterday’s may be the darkest poetry I have ever written. Historically I never write poetry unless it is worshipful. Anyway, I think I don’t. I wrote the following piece about six weeks after I hit rock bottom a little over three years ago.
I wondered Earth, from East to West Attempting to find my soul some rest. A troubled spirit trapped inside A body abused, a head of pride.
“There’s more to life, for sure!” I cried. “I’m tired of this empty ride! My wound is deep; my wound is real. My hope I’ve left the villain steal.”
How did this happen? Oh, the price! What can all my needs suffice? What’s the cause of all my pain? Will I ever be whole again?
“Did you say ‘what’?” A still, small voice. “A ‘what’ will ne’er make you rejoice A ‘Who’ can answer all your pain. A ‘Who’ can make you whole again.
“You’ve seen the land both East and West. You know it’s answers aren’t the best. Your wound’s too deep; your wound’s too real, But it’s a wound Jesus can heal.
“He’ll clean your wound and wipe your tears. You’ll trust Him with your greatest fears. Step by step, day by day. He’ll be your Life, your Truth, your Way.
When I wrote that, I had no idea what I was saying; but it turned out to be true. I had begun to walk through the wall of pain that kept me isolated from the rest of the world. What do you know? I am almost through it. I am dysfunctional, but I am no longer isolated. I still sometimes feel alone, like I will never fit in anywhere ever again. I still have no idea how to allow myself to celebrate with His children, but someday I will. I know this because He is faithful. Someday the walls will actually be down. Someday I will be free. Someday I will be entirely secure in Him. I will no longer be looking to my left and to my right to see if I am okay. I will be keeping a razor-sharp focus on Him until all I can see is Him, until all I can serve is Him. Someday I will be home.
One of the Pharisees asked Jesus to have dinner with him, so Jesus went to his home and sat down to eat. When a certain immoral woman from that city heard he was eating there, she brought a beautiful alabaster jar filled with expensive perfume. Then she knelt behind him at his feet, weeping. Her tears fell on his feet, and she wiped them off with her hair. Then she kept kissing his feet and putting perfume on them.
When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, he would know what kind of woman is touching him. She’s a sinner!”
Then Jesus answered his thoughts. “Simon,” he said to the Pharisee, “I have something to say to you.”
“Go ahead, Teacher,” Simon replied.
Then Jesus told him this story: “A man loaned money to two people—500 pieces of silveri to one and 50 pieces to the other. But neither of them could repay him, so he kindly forgave them both, canceling their debts. Who do you suppose loved him more after that?”
Simon answered, “I suppose the one for whom he canceled the larger debt.”
“That’s right,” Jesus said. Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Look at this woman kneeling here. When I entered your home, you didn’t offer me water to wash the dust from my feet, but she has washed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You didn’t greet me with a kiss, but from the time I first came in, she has not stopped kissing my feet. You neglected the courtesy of olive oil to anoint my head, but she has anointed my feet with rare perfume.
“I tell you, her sins—and they are many—have been forgiven, so she has shown me much love. But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.” Then Jesus said to the woman, “Your sins are forgiven.”
The men at the table said among themselves, “Who is this man, that he goes around forgiving sins?”
And Jesus said to the woman, “Your faith has saved you; go in peace.” – Luke 7:36-50
Comments