It is nice to be a functional person. I feel like I have finally made it to functional. Took me 30 years give or take, but I am somewhat operating in a somewhat healthy way on the inside and outside. Do I have work left? Yeah! But I am in the process of doing it.
Will I feel socially awkward at church tomorrow? It is really likely, but it is so nice to be a part of a group of people who love me. Not just be a person in a group who doesn’t feel like a part of the group. I have been that before. I have been the odd one out for most of my life. Did the people around me think I did not belong? Not always, but I always knew I was not really a part.
Being a strong tomboy in grade school isolated me. I never felt accepted by the girls. I was different. When I tried to play with them, it always felt like everyone including myself thought everyone would be more comfortable if I went and played with the boys. It was where I belonged. Only problem was the whole time I played with the boys I knew I wasn’t a part of them either. Then I became an adult and for the most part just hung out with myself.
I read Leviticus straight through this morning. I cannot say it was the most fascinating reading experience ever, but it was much more interesting than reading a chapter a day for a month. I have found that with every book of the Bible so far. I tried to read it like what God was communicating to them was laws that at their core demonstrated universal truths, which I believe they do. The blood sacrifice got a bit redundant, but the last few chapters I want to reread.
God talks about how afraid of their enemies they will be if they choose not to serve Him. I thought that very applicable to my life. If I am not in the shelter of following my God, I have good reason to be afraid of everything.
As for those of you who are left, I will make their hearts so fearful in the lands of their enemies that the sound of a windblown leaf will put them to flight. They will run as though fleeing from the sword, and they will fall, even though no one is pursuing them. – Leviticus 26:36
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