I know Who goes before me. I know Who stands behind. The God of angel armies is always on my side. I think the coolest part of that is I actually know Him. I actually thought on the way home from dinner group tonight that I am too happy. How does a person be too happy? I feel like I need to really emotionally catch up with the changes in my life. So much has been happening these last few days. I cannot process it.
I am really wrestling with a few theological questions right now. I think I will work them out in my weekly thoughts. Brokenness, persecution, amends, sacrifice – it is all getting a bit blurry.
I was delightfully busy today. I also had a lot of energy. I am blaming my excess energy on the things I am dealing with in recovery. Being free from guilt and fear and regret really frees up a person’s energy. Making amends, putting up boundaries and facing fears are working wonders.
Then there is this fast. Quite sure I have made it to the romantic part. The part that feels so intimate – just between me and Him. But I am telling you about it. I don’t know how I feel about that. That feeling of intimacy stayed with me all day today even with a baby on one hip as I took a hard phone call. I reckon He died so He could be with me. Now I want to live my whole life for Him. More of Him. Less of me.
Yup, pretty sure I don’t want to go to bed for hours. (but I am pretty sure I will!)
He has put a new song in my mouth.
So humble yourselves before God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come close to God, and God will come close to you. Wash your hands, you sinners; purify your hearts, for your loyalty is divided between God and the world. Let there be tears for what you have done. Let there be sorrow and deep grief. Let there be sadness instead of laughter, and gloom instead of joy. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor. – James 4:7-10
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