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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

A better day

Words that are painful to say, “I gave up drinking.” Just had to explain that to someone. Honestly, I am sure I am not missing anything. I am still not used to having anything but alcohol. I suppose it is good for me, but I sort of liked beer. I really liked beer. I do not know why I am whining about this. It is one of the easiest things I have given up for God.

I slept really, really well last night. I woke up before my alarm and was so refreshed I eventually got out of bed to find my phone to make sure the alarm was on because it couldn’t possibly be before 5. It was by a half hour. I also had no nightmares last night.

Today was entirely different than yesterday. I think some of the arguing in my head I have had lately might be coming directly from the nightmares. It never occurred to me until yesterday. Whereas yesterday I was arguing imaginary people over things I wasn’t even mad about, today I had entirely different thought processes when I thought of my “triggers” (who coincidentally are the imaginary people in the first half of this sentence). For the most part I felt content and happy when I thought of them and thought nice things about them. I wonder if nightmares are connected to more of my rougher days. I had gone without them so long I just decided to ignore for several weeks that they had come back in a mild capacity. I move past the realization of them in the first half hour or so of my day, but maybe their effects linger because they have put me on the defense.

Reasonably happy. I really do love that line from the serenity prayer. I think it is the first thing that changed my life at CR – realizing I was only supposed to be reasonably happy not supremely happy. Once I realized I was not going to obtain happiness, I quit pursuing it. When I quit pursuing it, my addictive and compulsive behaviors lost their power. It did take me about four months after that realization to quit though.

Ugh, the Royals are about to lose. The first baseball game I have watched in better than three years and the team I root for loses. Oh, well, no eternal significance there.

Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 10For if someone with a weak conscience sees you, with all your knowledge, eating in an idol’s temple, won’t that person be emboldened to eat what is sacrificed to idols? 11So this weak brother or sister, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12When you sin against them in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall. – I Corinthians 9:9-13

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