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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

Safe

Last night after blogging, I was not necessarily in a faith-filled mode. I really did not believe on the morrow I would give in and believe God was sovereign and trust Him. My statement that I might do so was written more in personal mockery than faith or hope.

But as I waited for sleep to come, I felt secure in my position as His daughter. I still did not trust Him to protect me. I felt I was at risk to a lot of pain and attack as I continued my journey. God’s protection seemed so hypothetical and impractical to my temporal, finite, material life. As I lay there, I realized there were angels in my room. I did instantly feel protected. I also felt abashed I had so quickly forgotten part of life is not about what I can see.

I am protected. In all the ways that really matter, no one can touch me. No one can harm me. Nothing can separate me from His love. Not angels or demons. The fight that really matters is sometimes unseen.

Today was a very good day. I awoke from a dream in which I had to confront my abusers. I would not call it a sweet dream, but at least it was not a nightmare. During quiet time, I created another list. On the list was a list of people I could ask to answer one of my questions. On this list was my pastor’s name. As you may know, I do not go around looking for opportunities to meet with my pastor. (Not on account of anything he has done or his character or integrity, but on account of what past people in that position in my life have done). It is generally a good day if I manage to get past my manifold personal issues and cordially greet him.

But this morning, the thought very rationally crossed my mind that I should email him or meet with him or something to get an answer to my question. Then I got up and moved on with my day. Within an hour, I received an email from the church office to set up a meeting with my pastor. I managed to not freak out, probably because it had been already on my mind to do so. I think I would have freaked out if I had not been thinking about it already. So I moved on with my day quite pleasantly with only a miniscule amount of anxiety about what historically would be a terrifying event for me.

Today I am trusting God to protect me from a lot of things. Yesterday I was being sarcastic when I said I might today, but I do. Tomorrow I do not know whether I will, but today I am safe “in the shelter of the Most High.” (Psalm 91) I suppose I was yesterday, too; I just could not see it.

If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling, no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent. For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways; they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone. You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent. – Psalm 91:9-13

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