Rest

I notice I have a tendency to be incredibly pessimistic during the night. For example, I woke up at 4 am with a searing pain in my back. The pain was quite unexplained other than I only bore it by tightly clenching my jaw. Eventually, I decided to get out of bed and take some ibuprofen to eliminate my problem. To take my mind off the pain, I listened to a 30-minute Andy Stanley podcast with gritted teeth. Sure enough, about the end of the podcast, I fell into another six hours of blissful unconsciousness.

Then I got up, read Malachi and Titus. I decided since I read the last book of the New Testament last week to read the last book of the Old Testament this week. Then I read a book of Christian apologetics for about nine hours. The book was refuting atheism. I will refrain from telling you which book since I was entirely annoyed with the author about 100% of the time. It is just he is refuting atheists on their own ground, which is a really respectable idea. But he uses the same logic in two different instances. The problem is he doesn’t choose the same conclusion from the presenting evidence. My point? Just don’t argue against yourself in a book. Anyway, that has nothing to do with my spiritual growth other than I had to try to be really openminded all day.

Beyond that I have decided I may have to do something about the current condition of my health insurance because it is clearly bothering me on a subconscious level. At no other point in my life have I woke up in physical pain and thought I was for sure going to die like I have in the last few months. Then again, I am getting old and until now I did not spend all that much time waking up in the middle of the night.

I also skipped my SSA support group today. I have a pretty nasty cold. After taking three weeks to kick February’s cold, I decided to take it easy instead of going into the city. I would never advise anyone to skip a small group if they can possibly go to it. Unless they belong to six of them, then it is perfectly acceptable to realize one needs the afternoon to physically rest. I sort of see it as growth to try not to be the be-all, end-all for everyone in my life. I also have weakness and some days I need rest.

I am still on the video fast on Saturdays. I highly recommend it. It has entirely changed what my sabbath looks like, and I am much more rested. I have a pulled muscle in my back and cold, but at least the noise factor of my day has been really low. I am pretty sane and in my right mind, and I am looking forward to tomorrow. I believe opening up to those around me about my manifold weaknesses has really helped my shutting down. I suppose I shall find out tomorrow. May I experience His love!

Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love. – 1 John 4:18