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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

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There is some song in this world with the line of “Wanna know what else is awkward, awkward?”. My roommate used to sing it a lot. It makes me laugh. I hear it in my mind about a quarter of the time when I leave a social gathering. Whether or not I am socially awkward has yet to be determined. Whether or not I feel socially awkward is perfectly clear. Yes, I feel socially awkward, a lot!

Today was awkward. I have been so moody lately. As I have confessed over the last few weeks, I have been struggling with an overwhelming desire to quit. Well, today for a whole day minus about four hours, I kicked the “this is too hard” whining. When I was alone I was happy and joyful. Quite content. When I was with people, I really fought being angry and super moody. I really need to get a handle on these crazy emotions!

I feel content and safe in Jesus’ love right now. I am glad for this little time of rest amid the storm that seems to be raging around me. No, the storm does not rage around me. The storm rages inside of me. How far shall I pursue freedom for myself? How far should I pursue freedom for others? With knowledge comes responsibility. For what am I responsible? Father, give me clear direction!

So often it seems so far away, but tonight I could almost reach out and touch it. Peace. Heaven. Absolute love. No more tears. No night. I am listening to my favorite playlist on Spotify. It has seven versions of one of my favorite songs, “The Holy City”. Someday. Sometime. Sometime in the next 70 years, I will be home. I am glad. I am so glad. I will work for Him here as long as He desires, but someday I will go home. No more moving. No more running. No more failing. Peace. Faith. Joy. Love. Peace. Peace.

Tomorrow is Friday. CR is on Friday. CR is always awesome. Friday is not always awesome. But this I know, someday, I am going home.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. -Jesus in John 16:33

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