What a perfectly enjoyable day! I cleaned. I read Chronicles and I talked on the phone for a few hours. Very pleasant. Reading a whole book at a time continues to be really fascinating. However, the standout for today was that Solomon in his prayer dedicating the temple prayed God would forgive the Israelites when they sinned because, well, everyone sinned (so they were bound to, so if God could forgive them when they repented, that would be great). I am not sure why that is a standout. Probably because I did not know it was there.
I also always am fascinated by how quickly the Northern Kingdom went down after Josiah. Josiah was a pretty great guy. It always is sad to me how 25-ish years after his death the Israelities were done for, but I digress. This is not Bible study.
I am working on being functional. I need to forgive. I need to learn how to accept love. I need to become functional. The problem is I have very little control over whether I am functional. Life would be so much different if God had made our brain like a flash drive and we could just reprogram it and start from scratch. Though to be honest, that is a really scary thought if our whole world was like that!
I am on a major cleaning spree, which is good. It means I am cleaning out another area of my emotional past. I always majorly improve my personal habits when I hit another level of recovery. It is a good thing.
In other news, yesterday I realized I am freaking out a bit about the whole writing thing. Enjoy it? Love it. Look forward to having a book published? God, I thought I would literally do that for the first time two decades from now. What’s up with trying to do that now? Self-sabotage is about to set in.
It is for freedom Christ has set us free. Wait! I think I just had an aha moment. God is not trying to manipulate me. Christ set me free to be free. God is not trying to manipulate or deceive me or even hurt me. I guess I project the pain into my past pretty badly onto God and my present circumstances.
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. – Galatians 5:1