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  • Writer's pictureLaura Kae

20 years

I finally crashed today and started to actually rest. It is a good thing since vacation is over with tomorrow. Now I can go home exhausted. Oddly today I do not feel like going back. I have missed my forever family all week. Thinking of my children did build some excitement for going back to my life, but my to do list for January has me exhausted just thinking about it. I am thankful that next week I have off of work halfway and do not start school until the end of January.

I did get some relational work done this vacation. It is good to have real conversations. The week sort of slipped away from me, and I have not had the amends conversations I was planning on having. They will be had next week instead.

All day everything I have been excited about for the last month seems like so much work. I am exhausted. The idea of being engaged with people is exhausting me. I love people. I love having conversations with them. I love connecting, but right now I want to sleep and be alone.

The more I think about what I want I realize I want to go home. I know three short paragraphs ago I didn’t want to; but as a matter of fact, I really, really, really do. I want to go home and go to church and see my friends. I want to rest in my own house. I want to have an entire day unplugged from all society. I want to rest for a day, maybe two, then hit the road running. There is so much to do. 2015 is going to be a great year!

Still exhausted, but thinking about the future is at least getting me excited. Though at dinner tonight I made a quiet statement only I heard. “I think I could live this life for the next 20 years.” So clearly I was not unexcited or pessimistic all day. I do not want to be the person I am today for the next 20 years, but I would love to grow and change and serve in the way I have for the last year for the next 20 years.

Did you just hear the girl who used to have a one-day commitment to Jersey say 20 years? The one who lived two and a half years in a professional job by Washington, DC with a three-week commitment say 20 years? The girl who has always been a block-headedly independent gypsy mention 20 years? The next thing you know horror will quit being her knee-jerk reaction to the thought of marriage and children. Oh, God, what becomes of a woman?

“I tell you the truth, anyone who believes in me will do the same works I have done, and even greater works, because I am going to be with the Father. You can ask for anything in my name, and I will do it, so that the Son can bring glory to the Father. Yes, ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it!

“If you love me, obey my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you. No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you. Soon the world will no longer see me, but you will see me. Since I live, you also will live. When I am raised to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them.” – John 14:12-21

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